Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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