Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Holy shit dude........stairs
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