he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
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