But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
