All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
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