Please, let me fuck your mom
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Randomize
