dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
