I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
what day is it and did you see me today?
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
