Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
