I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
