I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
How does one acquire holy water?
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize