i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Randomize
