she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I just gargled with NyQuil
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
