Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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