Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
