Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Randomize
