I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize