Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
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