hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize