And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
