Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Porn is love you can see.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
