Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
