So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Sober January is a disaster.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Randomize
