it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
