Well douche your snatch and let's go!
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Randomize
