God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I touched a dick in church today
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
