butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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