Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
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