Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
