Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
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