he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
I love you.
Bad choice
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