I will die if light touches me.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize