dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
