I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
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