I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
