Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Randomize
