Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
