What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
