Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
I see more hoeing in ur future
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