a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
how drunk are you?
Several
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Randomize
