I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Randomize
