I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
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