I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
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