You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
