my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
there is glitter all over my balls
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
the raccoons are back...
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