I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
