where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
