actually, I'm a sock model
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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