i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
