Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
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