Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
