??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
