I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
false alarm, still single
Randomize
