I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
