your room smells of hookers.
And success
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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