Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
