Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
