Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
