Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
