PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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