I am in a vortex of obligation.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Randomize