I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
