thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
