Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
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