just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
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