I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Randomize
