I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
