Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize