No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
