I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I think I sprained my soul last night
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
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