After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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