Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
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