That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
