Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
