we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
