there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
