she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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