i would punch a child for taco bell
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
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