you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
