just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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