if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
