people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Michael Bay diarrhea
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
