Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
