he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Randomize