I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
