CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Randomize
