No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
Randomize
