Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Too much gin, very little bucket
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize
