i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Randomize
