..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
