a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I have already put on my inside pants.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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