Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
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